Live at the Table: Fiasco! Pt. 1

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Episode Description[edit | edit source]

Hey folks! We streamed for a very... very long time, so here's stream part ONE.

(And here's part two:

(Featuring Janine Hawkins, Jack de Quidt, Keith J Carberry and Ali Acampora)

(series of "texts) 1: Bro it's dex how's the TV lady meeting 2: Yo she's on board 👍😝 1: 👌🤘🤙✌️💪💪💪💪 / Yo / This lion is / So bummed out / I'm wrecked about it 2: For real? 1: 😭😭 / For real / I think it was this lions wife dogg / I feel like I'm not commanding enough when I'm so stuck on this lion 🦁🤕 / Do you think we still get famous if the lion kills boots? 2: What do you do if you've disrespected a lion

Plot[edit | edit source]

Dax and Darren meet up at the Bluff City Zoo after it closes to discuss the success of their most recent scheme (putting little ears on the tapirs to make them look like mini elephants), and to decide what their next fake exhibit should be. Darren says they need to go bigger to get the people in. Dax says they could take the jaguars and paint them black to make them panthers, but Darren disagrees, saying that they’re basically the same animals. Dax then suggests they could take the cheetahs and paint them black and make them panthers.

Darren says he knows a guy he has access to fur coats, and they could use those to make manes on the leopards and paint them and say they have lions. Dax agrees, saying that they could do that and paint them black, so that they have black lions, and also stage an attack with them (“that’s huge”). Darren says they could save the person and Dax enthusiastically agrees, saying that the zoo will have to give him his own exhibit, and Darren is equally excited (“you’re going to be in the newspaper again!”). They both agree that it is an excellent plan.

The next morning, Boots Bonus has been allowed to give the Zoo’s daily “we can save the zoo” press briefing to the three journalists who are in attendance. Boots nervously stumbles his way through it, interrupted by Never Watson-Wiley, as he attempts to extol the values of the Zoo (“just because [D. E. Hitchcock] died, doesn’t mean the zoo is bad now, does it?”) but gets caught up on talking about the Zoo Cafe (“aren’t all cafes health cafes? You need food to live”). Never quickly hustles Boots off-stage.

Never sends Boots off to do some busywork as she works on social media content. To do this, she asks Dax to come with her to the sneezing monkey enclosure, asking him to sneeze, which after some confusion after what exactly she was asking him to do, Dax does. Dax asks if he can help with anything else, and Never asks if he can record his future sneezes on his phone. Dax has a very old phone, so Never says he should speak to Boots about getting help putting a voice recorder ap on his phone.

Boots arrives, asking Never how she thought he did in the morning’s press conference. Never dodges the question, instead asking Boots to help Dax with his phone. Boots asks why Never was making Dax sneeze, and Never says she needs the sneezing sound to attract the attention of the monkeys (“they feel a kinship”). Boots is amazed by this. Never quickly leaves. As Boots doesn’t know how to work Dax’s phone, he gives Dax his much newer phone and explains how to use it to record sound files.

Darren and Dax meet on the employees only side of the Great Cats! enclosure to discuss their plan in more detail. Dax invites Boots along to help with the planning because Boots is “like the smartest guy [he’s] ever met”. Darren is excited to meet Boots, who he is under the impression “does phone stuff for the zoo”. 

Darren and Dax explain their plan to Boots (“see those leopards out there? Imagine if they were lions” “Black lions”). Boots does not understand, as he is not aware that they have been altering the exhibits, and he especially doesn’t see how this idea will get Darren and Dax “a million dollars”. Darren points out one of the lions, telling Boots to imagine if that lion attacked someone and then that person was rescued by Dax. Boots is confused by this, especially when Dax says the exhibit that he will get as a result of this is an exhibit where he is in the exhibit.

Boots asks for clarification on the plan, stressing that he doesn’t support it (“I don’t want to say I like what I’m hearing, because I don’t, but I’m definitely hearing some things”), and is shocked when they tell him that they have been disguising the animals as other animals. Boots tells them that it is “the worst plan [he] has ever heard”.

Dax, trying to get him back on board, offers that Boots could be the person who gets “attacked” (“I’m doing quotes!”). They stress to him that the attack will be fake but that the rescue will be real (“movie magic! That’s what it is! It’s movie magic!”), and that doing this will boost attendance numbers and help the zoo. Boots agrees, but says he wants to run the idea past Never first.

Never has her weekly informal supervisors meeting with Darren to discuss any updates on the pachyderms that Never can use in the zoo’s social media. Darren update her on some of the younger pachyderms, and asks if she retweeted the photos he sent her, and Never says she saved the photos and tweeted them from the zoo’s account.

Despite thinking that Boots is the “idea guy”, Darren decides to bring Never into his and Dax’s plan, since they plan to shoot a video of their faked attack. He doesn’t tell Never the full plan, only that they plan to do a public photo op with Boots (“and if anything happens, don’t worry about it, because it’s going to be fine”).

Never is initially resistant, but ultimately agrees since only Boots will be in danger, and suggests that they could dress Boots up to look like a member of the public, since it would “feign audience involvement in a safe and controlled manner”. Darren tells her that they will be doing it on the next Sunday and she should “get her camera down” and although Never is suspicious of his phrasing, she agrees to be there to film the encounter.

After the zoo closes, Boots meets up with Darren outside the lion enclosure to discuss the plan, as Boots has been researching lions and has discovered that they mate for life (“that’s sick!”). Unfortunately, this makes Boots very nervous - the reason the Bluff City Zoo only has one lion is because Boots and Darren told Dax the lioness should go to the Trenton Zoo, and now their lion has lost it’s mate. Boots believes that this lion knows it was him that talked Dax into the decision and will be out for revenge (“he looks sad, doesn’t he?”).

Darren texts about the lion, and Dax confirms that the lion is sad about the lioness being sent to Trenton (“he’s wrecked about it”). Darren says that Dax is also bummed about it, and that Dax being bummed might affect his ability to control the lions. Boots says he refuses to go into the enclosure. Darren says that the need to give the lion a gift, and Boots is worried he will be the gift. Darren asks Dax what you should do “if you have disrespected a lion”. Dax replies that “a lion can know exactly how you’ve hurt it just by looking into your eyes” and that “you need to make real material amends”.

Boots says to make amends, they have to get the lioness back from Trenton, and Darren agrees. Boots says that he will use Never’s contacts to get Trenton to bring the lioness back over as a joint event that will reunite the lion, and Darren says he wants to take the lion back permanently.

Never calls Boots to her office to teach him how to look like a French-Canadian tourist, which is still her understanding of the plan. She gives him various items “to help with the plan” (fanny pack, plastic sunglasses with the tag still on them, a t-shirt with a steak pattern on it, khaki shorts, a bag from the zoo gift shop with a Bluff City Zoo t-shirt in it). Boots tries to clarify the plan, and it becomes apparent to Boots that Never does not know the full details of the plan and that she believes that it will be some kind of faked meet-and-greet (“no actual liability on our part”), and reassures him that he’ll do a great job. Boots asks for Never to fill out his review form from his college.

Dax brings his new phone to Never, as he has filled the phone with sound files of his sneezes. He doesn’t know how to get the files off, and although Never tries to explain, Dax does not quite understand (“if I put them in my drop box, are you going to have to drive out there and pick it up?”). Eventually, he texts her the files, asking again why she needs the sneezing. Never says it’s because it’s good for getting the monkey’s attention so that they look at the camera, and that he should worry too much about it. Dax says he believes that she is “trying to pull the wool over [him]”, although he doesn’t know exactly why he thinks that.

Never tells him that because he’s a cat person he “looks for things that aren’t really there” (“are you sure about this because I did have the doctor check and I am full person”). She coaxes him out of the conversation, and Dax agrees to send her more sneezes.

Cast[edit | edit source]

Notes[edit | edit source]