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{{Quote|Apologies for that. With the big race coming up, I just have so many interviews. Heavy is the head. Now, where was I? Since I am [[Absolute Pluperfect]], I suspect I was saying something absolutely perfect. Plu. | {{Quote|Apologies for that. With the big race coming up, I just have so many interviews. Heavy is the head. Now, where was I? Since I am [[Absolute Pluperfect]], I suspect I was saying something absolutely perfect. Plu. | ||
Ah, yes! Old Bluff City. I was telling you about my last visit to the Upper Crust's Tri-City History Museum, where seasonable memberships are available to all discerning members of the upper city for just a reasonable donation, to be made in credits or data rights. In any case, when I last visited the museum there was a new exhibition: The Real History of Old Bluff City. Now, I normally scoff at such titles, "The Real History". They are lures to draw in the un- and under-educated, those who want a "quick fix" of heterodoxic information. But I must say, this exhibition was delightful! | Ah, yes! Old Bluff City. I was telling you about my last visit to [[the Upper Crust]]'s Tri-City History Museum, where seasonable memberships are available to all discerning members of the upper city for just a reasonable donation, to be made in credits or data rights. In any case, when I last visited the museum there was a new exhibition: The Real History of Old Bluff City. Now, I normally scoff at such titles, "The Real History". They are lures to draw in the un- and under-educated, those who want a "quick fix" of heterodoxic information. But I must say, this exhibition was delightful! | ||
Along with my AI tour guide, I saw the sights of a town that could never be today. I rode on the hardlight summer's wheel and I saw a perfect pink, blue, orange, red... white... blue horizon. I had little treats, little delicious treats made out of sugar and other things, I think, just, just like they did in the old days, except in the old days it was better. For many reasons. Even the, even the underclass was better back then, today we have, ugh, all kinds of lessers, but back then it was just little rapscallions and ragamuffins and tatterdemalions. In fact, there was one exhibit about the year 1899. A band of lovable miscreants looking to save their corner of the boardwalk. It brings me to emotion, as so few things do, since emotion is a vulgar defect, but we are allowed such a vice when in the sight of the sublime, are we not? | Along with my AI tour guide, I saw the sights of a town that could never be today. I rode on the hardlight summer's wheel and I saw a perfect pink, blue, orange, red... white... blue horizon. I had little treats, little delicious treats made out of sugar and other things, I think, just, just like they did in the old days, except in the old days it was better. For many reasons. Even the, even the underclass was better back then, today we have, ugh, all kinds of lessers, but back then it was just little rapscallions and ragamuffins and tatterdemalions. In fact, there was one exhibit about the year 1899. A band of lovable miscreants looking to save their corner of the boardwalk. It brings me to emotion, as so few things do, since emotion is a vulgar defect, but we are allowed such a vice when in the sight of the sublime, are we not? | ||
Revision as of 17:52, 20 February 2023
Overview
- Episode (must be logged into Patreon to view)
Episode Description
The Scamps Are About
The unusually mild spring of 1891 saw an unusual craze sweep the length of the Bluff City boardwalks, when the organ grinders found themselves targeted by the city’s children in an outbreak of particularly nefarious behavior. The children, moving in loosely organized packs, would fall upon one organ grinder after another. Some would find the cans that contained their tunes removed and dropped off the pier. Others would turn their organs’ handles and salt water would pour, improbably, from the pipes.
The organ grinders, by and large, were not much older than their assailants, and as mild spring turned into cold summer, unusual battle lines were drawn among Bluff City’s children. Elliot Callahan, discussing this song the following year, wrote: “I know not which young band of voices would raise these verses. Whether the beleaguered grinders - or, in parody, the roustabouts themselves - it matters not.”
The scamps are about! On the beaches and the boardwalks!
The scamps are about! Send the word along the line!
From the bait shop on pacific, in a mob that’s quite terrific,
Wearing grins that are horrific and demeanors so malign!
The scamps are about! Pouring southward, ever southward,
And they’re carrying those sacks they use to make their wicked play!
See the organ grinders panic, hear their melodies grow frantic,
As the antics of the scamps intensify along their way!
The scamps are about! Is there anyone to stop them?
Is there any lion-hearted soul to step into the fray?
If there’s someone strong of spirit then I’d really like to hear it,
Since the beer they poured inside my organ’s getting in the way.
Opening Narration
“
Apologies for that. With the big race coming up, I just have so many interviews. Heavy is the head. Now, where was I? Since I am Absolute Pluperfect, I suspect I was saying something absolutely perfect. Plu.
Ah, yes! Old Bluff City. I was telling you about my last visit to the Upper Crust's Tri-City History Museum, where seasonable memberships are available to all discerning members of the upper city for just a reasonable donation, to be made in credits or data rights. In any case, when I last visited the museum there was a new exhibition: The Real History of Old Bluff City. Now, I normally scoff at such titles, "The Real History". They are lures to draw in the un- and under-educated, those who want a "quick fix" of heterodoxic information. But I must say, this exhibition was delightful!
Along with my AI tour guide, I saw the sights of a town that could never be today. I rode on the hardlight summer's wheel and I saw a perfect pink, blue, orange, red... white... blue horizon. I had little treats, little delicious treats made out of sugar and other things, I think, just, just like they did in the old days, except in the old days it was better. For many reasons. Even the, even the underclass was better back then, today we have, ugh, all kinds of lessers, but back then it was just little rapscallions and ragamuffins and tatterdemalions. In fact, there was one exhibit about the year 1899. A band of lovable miscreants looking to save their corner of the boardwalk. It brings me to emotion, as so few things do, since emotion is a vulgar defect, but we are allowed such a vice when in the sight of the sublime, are we not?
And all of that is why I am asking you, my adoring subscribers, for just a small donation to a fund I've set up, the Kingfish Pier Children's Boardwalk Beautification Project (Bring Old Bluffington to Atlantic City) Insurance Fund, a 501(c) organization — ah — I have a few more things, don't stop, don't stop the music!”
Music
America's Playground by Jack de Quidt
Cast
- Austin Walker as Eloise Salt
- Art Martinez-Tebbel as Pomp Circumstance
- Janine Hawkins as Caterina "Cattie" Pontecorvo
- Jack de Quidt as Melinda Guppy
- Keith J Carberry as Sank Getliff
Plot
Early in the morning, at five or six, Melinda meets Eloise as she’s setting up her father’s taffy shop on Kingfish Pier, stretching and dusting the candy. Eloise is surprised to see her there, and Melinda tells her that the hot air balloon has arrived at the beach, and says that they should go out and see if they’ll let them go up in it before customers arrive. To convince Eloise, and her father, Melinda pitches this as “work experience”, to which Elousie’s father says that “dusting the candy is work experience”. Melinda pushes back, as they all have to work at least one shift at the hot air balloon and should know how it works, and Eloise backs her up, claiming that she will be better at promoting their candy to balloon riders if she has this experience. Mr Salt is convinced by this, and tells her to prepare the balloon candies before she goes by writing “it’s magnificent” on all of them. Melinda promises to wait for her to get there before she gets on the balloon.
Melinda heads down to the beach to meet with the person running the hot air balloon, introducing herself while she waits for Eloise. The balloon owner, Luce, asks how strong her hands are, testing this by shaking both her hands and is satisfied by Melinda’s strength. The balloon owner evades Melinda’s questions about why she needs strong hands, although he implies that there may be dangers involved in operating the balloons. Melinda asks if she can go up in it, and the balloon owner agrees to take her up part of the way. Luce takes them both up, although not very high, which annoys Melinda as she can’t see over some of the buildings. Luce agrees to take them up a little higher so they can see into the hotel pool area, and they discuss the hot air balloon business. Melinda asks if she’s into barrel organ music, trying to use interesting facts about barrel organs to prompt Luce into taking them up higher.
Meanwhile, Sank is doing a shell game on the pier in front of a crowd. His current mark is loudly confident, proclaiming that he has won the first two games and chooses to bet his grandfather’s pocket watch. Cattie is in the crowd, taking photographs with a prototype brownie-box camera and shouts that Sank should go slower so she can get a good photo. Sank says he needs to go fast for it to work. As his mark requests a second watch be bet to match his watch, someone from the crowd uses their gem-encrusted watch. Sank moves very fast, too fast for the camera, and beats his mark and takes both watches. As the mark and the man in the crowd discuss the logistics of one paying back a watch to another, Sank overhears them discussing a large truck with valuable watch cargo that will shortly be arriving in town.
Pomp is at his stall on the boardwalk, mixing up batter for the funnel cakes. Cattie, out on the boardwalk taking photographs, can see that Pomp is distracted by nearby conversation and is not mixing the dough batter correctly. Cattie points this out, and Pomp says that he has heard that someone has lost an earring. Cattie asks if he’s alright, as he seems a little on edge, and Pomp says he’s feeling nostalgic for the end of summer. Mr Willaker arrives and orders his usual morning funnel cake, and is annoyed that Pomp has not yet prepared the batter. Pomp hurries to prepare the funnel cake. Cattie takes a photo of Mr Willaker frowning and he demands she destroys it as he “doesn’t believe in the device”. He takes his funnel cake and coffee without paying the fifteen cents (“find it on your report card”). Pomp and Catie discuss the balloon, and Cattie asks if Pomp is going to go up in it. He’s a little nervous about it, fearing the worst, but Cattie reassures him danger is unlikely. She also offers to bring Mr Willaker’s photo back once it’s been developed, so that they can use his photo to “make him look real weird” as payback for not paying for his funnel cake. Pomp is very excited for this.
After this, Cattie goes to develop the film of the photos that she’s been taking along the boardwalk that morning. One of Cattie’s boss’, Stack, questions why she’s using the editing tools, and Cattie says that Arvo, her other boss, told her to use the morning to improve her skills. Stack says that she must be careful with the editing tools, as they can be easily misused, and Cattie says that she would never use it to make people look foolish. She also says that she read his book, which momentarily delights and distracts Stack. He asks to look at what she’s working on, and recognises Mr Willaker. Cattie says she’s only editing the photo to make the lines cleaner and remove the wrinkles in Mr Willaker’s suit, and promises to not do anything to make him look foolish by enlarging his face. Cattie then secretly tries to make two prints, one to show Stack and one where she has made Mr Willaker look foolish as she promised Pomp but unfortunately she messes up the process and is only left with one print, the photo where she has made the large amount of edits to give Mr Willaker an enormous head. Arvo arrives, immediately catching sight of her edits and loudly announces his delight at how foolish she has made him look and rushes to show it to Stacks, even going so far as to say that they should put an enlarged version of the edited photograph in the front window to attract potential clown customers (“clowns need portraits!”).
Eloise, Cattie, Pomp, Sank and Melinda all meet for lunch. Melinda asks Eloise where she’s been, as she never arrived at the beach to test out the hot air balloon. Eloise is apologetic, as she couldn’t add the design of “it’s magnificent” to the candies fast enough. Melinda tells them about going up in the hot balloon. Sank orders a steak (well done), ordering an expensive meal due to his earlier scams and showing his friends the two expensive watches he now has. Melinda is very excited by Sank’s winnings, although Cattie points out that he has to actually sell the watches to have money. Eloise congratulates him on his big win, but Sank says that his real big win will be stealing the watch shipment that he heard about earlier. Sank insists that this will be easy, as the truck has no roof.
Melinda doesn’t believe they will be able to rob the truck as it is “a heist for grown ups”. Sank says he has a secret weapon: the thing that only appears on the last day of summer. The others guess (“it’s not friendship again”), until Sank reveals that he meant the hot air balloon. He explains his plan - bribe Luce with the watches he currently have, borrow the balloon, hover over the truck, hook out the watches and then “hit the gas” to escape with the load of watches and land somewhere that cars can’t go, like the forest or the marshes. Melinda expresses her concerns with the plan, since they have no real way of controlling where the balloon goes. Eloise says that they could tie the balloon with six one-thousand feet ropes in order to reel themselves across the city towards the truck.
Cattie says that they should let the two guys Sank heard talking about the heist originally steal the watches and then steal the watches from them, which she believes will be easy given how she saw Sank conning them earlier. Sank agrees with this plan. Eloise and Melinda also agree but only as a hypothetical. Cattie tells Sank to prove that it will be easy by getting Sank to do a shell game then and there, which Pomp loses. Cattie then gets Sank to shake out his sleeves, to show how he rigs the game with extra dice. Eloise says that, hypothetically, if they did that plan they should bring a candy gun. Although a boardwalk cop, Hanke Crystal, is close by, he doesn’t overhear the planning as he is too absorbed by reading the nearby menu. The group disperses, heading back to their various boardwalk stalls.