“
Expertize with a z also. Expertize. ‘Cause I’m a tease, you know.”
Lazer Ted is an old friend of Mako Trig's from September. He works in the giant glowing purple dome in the middle of the Bacchus Biotech Recreational District.[1] He has seven jobs and is looking to add more.
Appearance
Lazer Ted is a white guy who looks and acts exactly like Riff Raff except for his hair, which he wears in burning laser cornrows. It's not a good look. He also has grills with LED lights that display his catchphrases, and terrible glasses:
| He has the same glasses that Amira, who’s the receptionist, had on except on the front are pictures of him doing what he’s doing, like, it’s just video footage of him from your perspective, and you like turn and look behind you, and there’s just a flying drone shooting video of Lazer Ted at all times. |
― Austin, "Expertize with a Z"
|
Personality
Lazer Ted is the type of person who used to work at Guitar Center, but now works at Sam Goody. He's completely indifferent to people rejecting him.
History and Involvement
This section is under construction. Please excuse the mess.
The Chime seek out Lazer Ted in the hopes that he can sell them fake IDs that will allow them to enter the September Institute. Lazer Ted hits on Cass within moments of meeting them and doesn't wait long before hitting on Aria and AuDy as well: "Lazer Ted don't discriminate". He agrees to forge IDs for the three outsiders in exchange for them getting him unbanned from the Kinko's for printing a printer; Mako is able to hack the computer systems to say that Ted's ban had just expired.
Later, Ted provides Mako with a holographic Captain Calhoun costume, and Aria with a real Queen of Pearls one, for the Hieron-themed spring dance.
Current Jobs
- Costume shop
- Sells drugs sometimes
- 3D printing company
- Independent janitorial services
- Entertainer
- Makes music
- Rapper
Future Jobs
- Lazer stained glass windows
- Bringing back the Windows OS for phones
- Stage shows
- Costume cleaning
- Fortunes
- He forgot this one
Trivia
- He's called Lazer Ted because he plays a lot of video games.[1]
- He's banned from Kinko's because he used their printers to print a printer.[1]
- He has a "secret laboratory" where he grows weed in the Theoretical Science and English building.
Quotes
“
They all look, “oh, ah, look at me, I’m Lazer Ted.” I’m Lazer Ted.”
Appears In
- "Expertize with a Z"
- "Found Footage"
- "A Splintered Branch, A Ringing Bell" Pt. 1, Pt. 2, and Pt. 3